Hi everyone, I want to share the story of my genesis NFT collection Three Roads in more detail. It’s a deeply personal journey for me but I think it will resonate with many. The images reflect the deep sadness, despair and also the hope I felt during this time of my life. Under each image is the number in the collection and the phrase that goes with it. Click on the image to go to the NFT.
“Survival is only part of the story”
Four years ago, I had a mental breakdown. I had hit menopause, was dealing with an angry teenager, I was the sole breadwinner and hated my job. I had no idea how to fix any of it so I started drinking heavily.
“I couldn’t keep you completely safe”
I was drinking to try and self-medicate, to sleep, to forget, to try and “enjoy myself”. I went on a cycle of drinking, hating myself, drinking more, hating myself more.
“No-one knew what was behind the smile”
Hangovers would last for days and as I recovered from another binge, I truly hated myself. I reached the point when I didn’t think I wanted to go on. I felt like I just couldn’t live with the amount of pain I was in.
“Just to stop, rest and not think”
This image is exactly how I felt at rock bottom. Dirty, just wanting to lie down, sleep and not wake up. Far away from everyone I loved and loved me.
“Faded and tattered, a long forgotten entertainment”
I was an actor/performer all my life. Vibrant, successful, beautiful. Menopause was like a freight train. It totally knocked me sideways. I felt ugly and pointless and useless.
“In my head there was chaos while my smile lied”
It all came to a head with a series of clashes between my son and his dad. They never came to blows but they couldn’t live together. The two most important people in my life were falling apart too. We literally had to ask our baby, now 18, to move out.
One morning, hungover, I sat on the bed and cried and cried like I could never stop. And then I did. I stopped everything. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t go on.
#7 Keep Out
“I surrounded myself with defences even though I had nothing to give”
My husband persuaded to go and see a mental health specialist who I immediately connected with. I hate talking medication for anything but gladly took antidepressants. For a week I just stood still.
“You never know what is inside”
I took a breath, a complete step back from everything. This is it. Here is where Three Roads was born. I didn’t feel comfortable far from the house but I forced myself to go out each day ad shoot something. Anything.
“You can’t stop me”
At first I was just randomly taking shots of anything. I then just saved them to my computer and didn’t bother looking at them. A couple of weeks into doing this, I was going through them. I started noticing a pattern. Locks, chains, gates, boxes.
“Will you just sit with me?”
Completely sober for about a month, I began to get used to just sitting with the love of my life without the need to fill the silence. Without the need to explain. Tears came easily but so did smiles. And so much love.
“Just knowing you were there the whole time”
I made the decision to limit myself to photographing in a 3 road radius around my home. Suddenly, I felt I had a purpose but no pressure. The limitations set me free.
“I didn’t feel like I was worth saving but you did it anyway”
The loves of my life, my family and my friends supported me and the things I chose to do 100%. The person that was emerging was not new, not better and not stronger. It was me.
Recovery, discovery and hope. Finding myself again. Rediscovering joy. Forgiving myself and others.
“Fragile and Discarded”
This is how I saw myself just a couple of months earlier but I never was. I had just lost my way. I took 100s of pictures during this time. I edited and created the look with the frames. It would be 3 years until they made perfect sense.