This series is called Three Roads because it was all photographed within a three road radius of my home. The story of why is deeply personal but ultimately full of love and hope. Each image comes with a small part of the narrative in the description.
All the pieces are 1/1 editions and valued at 0.15 ETH.
Each collector is offered a high res jpeg of their NFT.
Before Covid and lockdowns, I had a mental health crisis that caused a self-imposed isolation. Anxiety and depression meant that I didn’t feel able to be far from my home. I had to force myself to walk around the block with my camera and take pictures. I restricted myself to shooting within a three road radius of my home.
At first, I was just taking pictures of anything but I started noticing details on the streets that struck me as odd or even made me smile. By focusing on these small “insignificant” things, I was able to figure out what was going on in my head. I was unconsciously photographing locks, gates, bars, chains, fences and discarded things. This is how I felt inside.
Three Roads is a journey into my mind as it was unraveling and on the road to recovery. Each one comes with a small part of my story. These photographs set me free.
The collection is 30 images all 1/1 editions.
Click on the individual images for more a more information about it.
The images reflect the deep sadness and despair I felt during this time of my life but ultimately, it is a story of love and hope.
“I couldn’t keep you completely safe” I was self-medicating with alcohol, to sleep, to forget, to try and “enjoy myself”. The longer this went on, the more I hated myself
"No-one knew what was behind the smile" I reached the point when I didn't think I wanted to go on. I felt like I just couldn't live with the amount of pain I was in.
"Just to stop, rest and not think" This image is exactly how I felt at rock bottom. Dirty, just wanting to lie down, sleep and not wake up. Far away from everyone I loved and loved me.
"Faded and tattered, a long forgotten entertainment" I was an actor/performer all my life. Vibrant, successful, beautiful. Ageing hit me like a freight train. It totally knocked me sideways. I felt ugly and pointless.
"In my head there was chaos while my smile lied" I was falling apart and I felt completely out of control. The light was fading. I felt the dark closing in and I didn't know how to stop it. Deep down I always knew I would have to stop.
One morning, I sat on the bed and cried and cried like I could never stop. And then I did. I stopped everything. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t go on.
#7 Keep Out
"I surrounded myself with defences even though I had nothing to give" One morning, hungover, I sat on the bed and cried and cried like I could never stop. And then I did. I stopped everything. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't go on.
"You never know what is inside" I took a breath, a complete step back from everything. This is it. Here is where Three Roads was born. I didn't feel comfortable far from the house but I forced myself to go out each day ad shoot something. Anything.
"You can't stop me" At first I was just randomly taking shots of anything. I then just saved them to my computer and didn't bother looking at them. A couple of weeks into doing this, I was going through them. I started noticing a pattern. Locks, chains, gates, boxes.
"Will you just sit with me?" Completely sober for about a month, I began to get used to just sitting with the love of my life without the need to fill the silence. Without the need to explain. Tears came easily but so did smiles. And so much love.
"Just knowing you were there the whole time" I made the decision to limit myself to photographing in a 3 road radius around my home. Suddenly, I felt I had a purpose but no pressure. The limitations set me free.
"I didn't feel like I was worth saving but you did it anyway" The loves of my life, my family and my friends supported me and what I chose to do 100%. The person that was emerging was not new and stronger. It was me.
Recovery, discovery and hope. Finding myself again. Rediscovering joy. Forgiving myself and others.
"Fragile and Discarded" This is how I saw myself just a couple of months earlier but I never was. I had just lost my way. I took 100s of pictures during this time. It would be 3 years until they made perfect sense.
"I am always unfinished but I am beautiful anyway" I was learning to live with myself and to be ok with the person I actually was. Awkward, flawed, interesting, creative, distracted, funny, anxious and unique.
"It might be upside down and make no sense to anyone else but it's your life. I started to create a path for myself. I moved house, I found out very quickly who my real friends were, I started to remove the barriers that stopped me doing the things I really wanted to do.
" And through it all you loved me" Love is what got me through everything. The love of my life, my son, my family and my friends showed me every step of the way that they were there unconditionally. I was also learning to love myself.
#17 Twenty One
"I hide from you in places I don't want to be" As hard as it was sometimes, I had to face the uncomfortable feelings without the “help” of a drink. I felt as if I would never be funny or vibrant or interesting ever again. I had been all those things not long ago.
"I was always free to walk away but you held me with love" Here is where hope begins. I grew stronger in mind, body and spirit. I was going on photowalks and shooting with purpose. I had more energy than I had had since my thirties! And I was filled with hope.
The road to strength and finding my superpowers.
"Sometimes, I didn't think I would make it" I made it! I not only survived but I no longer felt trapped in a cycle of self-destruction. The concrete jungle is still all around me but it is also filled with beauty and oddity and joy.
"In the end, I realised that we are all flawed human beings trying to make our way" The nightmare that held me was fading. I was building new relationships. I felt for the first time in a long time that we would be ok.
"I was on the outside looking in" Now I was starting to live my life in the present again. Sometimes sad, sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes joyful. After a completely sober year, I felt like I could do anything. Not that it was easy. It was challenging.
"It was never your job to protect me but you did it anyway" The truth is that we are getting older and many of us were giving up alcohol, drugs, meat, caffeine, chocolate... You name it. We were all getting older. And we all had our own struggles.
"Out of the darkness, there was so much beauty" I cannot pretend that I found all the answers but I am no longer out of control. I laugh a lot more. I think a lot more about things. I think I am genuinely a better person. I am certainly kinder.
"You never lost sight of me even when I was lost" I am forever grateful that the love of my life was right by my side the whole way through everything. I have loved him for 27 years and will love him for the rest of our lives. I wish that for everyone.
Onwards and upwards. Going through struggles can make you stronger.
#25 Look Up
"Sometimes you just need to look up" When I was really at my lowest, I noticed very little going on around me. Most people seemed really irritating. Nowadays, when I am feeling overwhelmed, I literally just look up. At the clouds and sky.
"Just fly away" I don’t have any of the answers. I still get angry. I still get sad. I still struggle with life. The one thing I do know is that unless you face the things that make life hard, you will never get better. There is no shame in asking for help.
"You looked right into my eyes and asked me if I was ok. I love you for that" We all struggle. The greatest thing I have learned is that you never know what is going on with another person. Be kind. And just ask “Are you ok?” It could save someone’s life.
"I can see the way out but I'm not strong enough to get there" Many people that struggle with their mental health know instinctively what they need to do. Feeling like someone is fighting for you or with you is amazing. Be the strength someone else needs.
"I am not as fragile as I think I am. We are all human. We all have weaknesses and strengths. We are all flawed.
"Some things are not for throwing away" This journey continues. I am genuinely excited to see where it goes.